The silent treatment. The one word answers. The nonchalant behavior. The lack of interest. The underhanded complement.
These subtle acts can erode the foundation of trust and respect, essential pillars of any relationship, making you a shadow if who you are individually and as a couple. This behavior often stem from unaddressed frustrations or insecurities, some that are pushed under the rug and come up every so often. In a marriage, they can create a cycle of resentment and misunderstanding, leaving you with a rift that widens with every unspoken offense (known or not).
Empathy and Understanding
Empathy is the bridge that can close this rift. It connects different perspectives and experiences. By working really hard to understand each other's backgrounds, point of views, insecurities, and fears, couples can navigate the complex issues of their relationship with compassion and empathy.
It's about recognizing the impact of our words and actions, even when they're not intended to hurt. Sometimes it can be as simple as "I understand that what I said or did hurt you" or, "I understand that you didn't intend to hurt me." It takes humility, we have to let go of that pride to do the above.
Pride Comes At A Cost
Passive-aggressive behavior is like having termites in the foundation of our relationship, causing damage that might not be visible until it's too late. Whether it's through backhanded compliments, subtle digs, or the minimization of feelings, this can lead to frustration, feelings of isolation, misunderstanding, and low self-esteem. Catching and fixing it early will save a lot of heartache and expense in the long run.
The Power of Self-Reflection
The journey towards healthier interactions starts with self-examination. Sure, we may not rhink we are the problem but nevertheless it requires us to ask hard questions about our own behaviors and actions. Are we dismissing our partner's feelings with a sarcastic comment because we're uncomfortable discussing emotions? Are we overly sensitive or reading into things because of past experiences. Are we clueless? What do we keep sweeping under the rug? They are hard question but they need to be asked. Recognizing WHEN we might be contributing to the problem, even unintentionally, is the first step toward change. After all we can't control other people's thoughts or actions.
Create A Space For Healthier Relationships
Open, honest communication is the cornerstone of stronger relationships so we have to create a space where feelings can be expressed without fear of dismissal, anger, judgement or retaliation is crucial.
When we are hit with passive-aggressive moments, addressing them directly can help. It's not about confrontation, but about understanding and growth. You may have to take the first bold step and speak on it, as it can be a start to an open conversation where you both move from confrontation to connection.
Self-Care As A Remedy
For Black women, navigating passive aggressive behavior requires a resilient sense of self-care and self-love. It's about affirming our value & self-worth and advocating for respect, thus protecting our hearts and our well-being. In some instances, this may mean taking time to nurture relationships that uplift rather than undermine, that empower us; rather than break us down. We all have that friend that makes us smile from the heart without even trying. Maybe it's time to pick up that phone.
What Next?
Let this conversation be a reminder that silent strains can undermine the strongest of bonds. It's a call to action for all of us to reflect on our behaviors and the impact they have on those we love and those who love us. Let's choose empathy, open communication, and understanding over unfriendly silence. By taking this path we can ensure that our relationships are a source of strength and mutual respect rather than pain and hurt.
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